Saturday, 19 March 2011

2nd Crusade Challenge - The Goldfish Bowl Teetered...

The second Crusade Challenge has now been announced by the fabulous Rachael Harrie over at Rach Writes. What she says is:

Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional, and not part of the judging criteria), see if you can write the story in your own genre (eg if you’re a horror writer, write a horror story; a romance writer, a romance story, etc).


So, without further ado, here's my entry. I believe it counts in at 99 words:

The goldfish bowl teetered at the edge of the vortex. Five intense people watched.

“Let it go.” Said Jerry. “Who cares?”

Alice replied “No, Jerry! The water will collapse the vortex. It's our last chance to reach our friends.”

“Forget the vortex, what about the fish!” Hilary glared.

“If it goes in,” said Adam, “the glass will shatter and burst out on the other side. We may never get our friends back, but we don't want to kill them.”

Taylor interrupted them. “So, we're agreed. We have to stop it going in.”

Please do check out the other entries. There's a linky over at Rach Writes

42 comments:

  1. Ha, I loved the way the differing comments showed their personalities so well! Very nice. Good set-up of a big conflict here. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the dialogue.

    Hopping over from Robyn's blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great entry!

    Yep love the dialogue you create in just 100 words.

    well done
    sarah

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ooo, a vortex. How cool!

    I'm holding a 500 followers contest. Please visit my blog if you get a chance.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You had me at vortex.

    I'm always a sucker for dialogue too :)

    It's quite fun to see everyones take on the same four words. Mystery, love, scifi, romance--all different.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it! Especially the way you didn't just start with the goldfish bowl...you made it the focus for the whole piece.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is great ... I sure want to keep reading and find out if they caught the bowl in time. Plus the lost friends and the vortex; it is all very intriguing!

    Thanks so much for stopping by to visit and for following me. Have a great week,

    Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well you know me - sci-fi gets me everytime. I loved the way you turned the goldfish bowl teetered into speculative fiction. Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bravo! Very entertaining :O)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I loved the flash fiction story. Its something I have not yet tried. Very interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Enjoyed your entry. You will reach 200 followers before you know it! Roland

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love flash fiction, goldfish and sci-fi! A great story for me! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ooo, lovely. I like the feel and the dialogue is very natural. I was just confused with the "we don't want to kill them" statement. Collapsing the vortex will kill their friends on the other side, or just the fish?

    This could make a great novel. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Now THAT's how you take something small and make it HUGE. Love when that happens. You went against all expectations with the goldfish bowl. Nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poor fishy, I think he might suck in a bunch of water and squirt it on those characters to dampen their debate. LOL
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's awesome that you so many characters into such a small piece.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Nicely done. I'm giving it a skip this time. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Definitely left me wondering how they got into that predicament, and how they'll get out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Love all the great comments - thanks all! I'm having a great time reading other peoples' entries. It's great to see the different ways the theme has been interpreted.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Glass shattering inside a vortex would not be good. Nicely done!

    Nikki

    ReplyDelete
  21. Very good! I like the vortex. Poor fishy, lol!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Tense moment. Don't let that glass break!

    ReplyDelete
  23. What an interesting way to use the fishbowl. I really liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes...what about the fish! Great job.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Very different take on this challenge- well done. I'm curious as to what is going on and why.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nice entry, I too like all the dialogue. Dialogue is my favourite thing :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ooh! Vortex! Gotta love it. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  28. am so enjoying this challenge how many variations on 4 words ? liked this very much - esp. the conversational aspect, very clear idea as to the different characters

    ReplyDelete
  29. I don't know why, but I love the word vortex.

    So, I guess you had me at vortex.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Enjoyable mini adventure! It's quite a trying to get this done in under 100 words and you managed to do a lot in the word limit! Cheers!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I love the simplicity of their comments as they stare down. Great conflict. Would like to hear more.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Clever dialog helped me "hear" the unique-sounding voices of different characters. Great entry!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Interesting way to come at it. Very curious.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Love the way you capture each character with just a line or two of dialogue. I bet you chose every word very carefully!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Great use of dialog to convey the personalities.

    ReplyDelete
  36. All the above, plus.
    Wish I had checked in earlier about this Crusader challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Really enjoyed this, Tony... It sucked me right in.

    I'll be giving you a shoutout at my blog for your 200 followers contest. It might help get you some of the last nine you need.

    Hop over and say Hi, tomorrow. i have my flash fiction piece up for the challenge.

    Michael

    ReplyDelete
  38. Very clever! One line from each person, and their personalities shone through!

    ReplyDelete
  39. What an imagination, brilliant. I'd love to know how the goldfish bowl got there.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I love the give-and-take - it's very telling. You give great insight to personalities in so few words. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Interesting! You got a lot of characterization into such a short space. I love it!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Vortex - Cool!. I'm still trying to get around and read everyone's entries. I'm glad I stopped by. Your dialogue was great too.

    ReplyDelete

I would love to have your comments